To dream a dream

Published May 30, 2015 | By Samara

In the stillness of the night she wakes, sweating, clawing, struggling to breath.
Panicked, distraught she fights against all that binds her.
Exhausted she lays pondering her next move, as calmness descends over her soul she is encapsulated by a vision.
Beauty, freedom, love and light, peace, happiness and joy.
These gifts are hers for the taking.
She ponders, fearful, scared and untrusting.
It is all that she has dreamt of, yet she lays frozen with fear.
Could she, should she, would she?
The temptation is overwhelming yet her doubt holds her still.
Ever so gently she moves, from the stillness of the night.
Slowly, gently, like a chrysalis emerging, one breath, just one fills her lungs with hope and joy.
She gains strength, trust and moves forth, stronger, braver and more sure.
Faith surges through her as she fully emerges, resplendant in all of her beauty.
Her wings spread in an acceptance of this place, her home, her peace.
She takes flight,strengthened by love and light to move forth in this journey of life.

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About Me

My life really began for me with the birth of my first child.

I had endured and survived a childhood filled with abuse and had always felt different to everybody else, an outsider. The love I felt for my children began to unlock so many feeling and memories and so my journey began.

That was eight years ago now and what a time that has been, filled with so much pain, sickness and sadness, joy, wonderment and love. So many hidden and repressed memories were unlocked, revealing more abuse, sexual, physical and emotional, hatred, anger, shame and silence.

I sit here now so proud of myself for coming so far and realise that this journey is far from over and may well never be.

This blog is my voice which has been silent for too long, kept inside of me as a big toxic secret.

I am a great mum and love and adore my children. They have captured my heart and helped me to open up in ways I never thought possible. I have shared and delighted in their childhood more than they will ever realise.

We are a loving and very close family of three, having just recently seperated from my partner of three years. It was an extremely hard decision to make, breaking up the family I had always dreamed of but knew our lives had taken a very different path and it was time to be true to what I wanted for myself and my children and move on.

I am a massage therapist studying a diploma in holistic living counselling and so very grateful for all that life has to offer me and for a the chance to create a future so very different from my past. Am I happy?

A lot of the time I am, sometimes I am not so sure and just feel a little distant and numb and there are days that are just overwhelming and such a struggle.

But I am a survivor and have so much love, hope and strength within me that I will find the real me, release my past and connect and help others through my work to do the same.

To dream a dream

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