My name is Samara, and I have found my voice.  A voice I never dreamed that I could possess.

Only the threat of a life changing illness gave me the realisation that I can no longer remain silent.

Is it the thought of sickness or even death that makes us grow, evolve and change our outlook on life.  Maybe, maybe not, but in my case it did just that.

My story of childhood abuse was to remain locked within my body and my heart, until the time came that I would write a book but under a pen name only.

Was this to protect myself, my family, my abusers? I am not entirely sure.

To be honest I think that I was ashamed.

Ashamed of all I had endured and of all that I was.

This past month has enabled me to let go of just a bit of this shame.   Just enough to explore the possibility of sharing my journey as me.

Sickness has certainly pushed me to realise that I have no real choice.  To truly heal and find the real me, to finally love and accept me for who I am and just how far I have come, I need to do this.

This blog will be the continuation of my journey which I will share with you.  I am hoping that you can relate and connect to some of the things that I will write about and share my voice with me.

Abuse is a silent shame and I am not alone I realise this, nor am I special or different.  This is just my journey about finding me and healing myself.

Years ago I was hell bent on changing the world and making a big difference, but now my focus is so much simpler.

First I need to heal myself and then and only then can I finally find the real me and worry about the bigger picture.

The last few years of my life have been a rollercoaster of pain, heartache, so many tears I could fill an ocean, love joy and so much hope.  Counselling and an amazing support team have been my saviour and have given me my life back.

The journey has been incredibly hard but also amazingly enlightening.

I am a proud mum of two gorgeous children and live with my loving partner and his two children.

I am a massage therapist, reiki practitioner and am currently completing a diploma in holistic living counselling.

I am also slowly writing my book!!

I love the beach, yoga, horses, my dog lucy, my friends, music, dancing, good wine and great food.  I love nature and the outdoors and find the beach is the place that heals me and makes me feel whole.

My family is my grounding point and gives meaning to all that I do.  This has been the hardest but most beautiful part of my journey.  Just to accept that I am now part of something I have always wanted is still a struggle at times.

So that is a little bit about me, Samara.

I am a survivor, yes I am.

A success they say, I am struggling with that one still.

But I am here, I  now have a  voice and am winning in this game of life.

Please share my journey with me.

 

“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart” Helen Keller